Meet My Parents
by Akira Yai Hiro
Summary: Authors: All of us. The GW boys are no longer single. What happens when their girlfriends decide it's time for them to meet the parents?
1. Prologue

Kat: Hey Heero!

Heero: Yea?

Kat: Come here for a minute, would you? And bring Duo and Trowa with you!

Heero: Be right there.

*Duo, Heero, and Trowa enter the kitchen. Kat, Lily, and Akkiko are waiting for them*

Lily: Hey Duo!

Duo: Lily! *Glomps* I missed you!

Lily: Love you too, but I was only out for an hour.

Duo: So? *He lets go anyways*

Heero: So what did you need Kat?

Akkiko: Actually, we all need to talk to you guys.

Trowa and Heero: Uh oh.

Duo: Lily, what's up?

Kat: Well, y'see, we were talking the other day . . .

:::Flashback:::

Lily: Hey guys, listen, I don't have long, Duo and I are going to the movies.

Akkiko: Yea, I have plans too.

Kat: Do those plans include scarring innocent people?

Akkiko: Maybe . . .

Kat: Can I come!

Akkiko: GOD NO! I'm going to go shopping for Mobile Suit parts with Trowa, and maybe scare a few innocent bystanders.

Kat: No fun. Heero's busy.

Lily: Doing what?

Kat: He won't tell me! Stupidhead.

Lily and Akkiko= v_v*

Lily: Geeze, how long have we been with our boys anyway?

Akkiko and Kat: *Counting on fingers* Um . . .

Kat: I don't KNOW! It seems like we've just always been together.

Akkiko: Yea, why?

Lily: Because, well, I got a phone call the other day.

Akkiko and Kat: She got a phone call. WOW.

Lily: Shut up. Anyways, it's not so important what was said as who called.

Akkiko: Eh?

Lily: *Sighs* It was my Mother.

Kat: WHAT?!

Lily: She got wind that I was seeing someone, and she wants to meet him. She said something about YOUR parents as well Kat.

Kat: Shit.

Akkiko: HAH! Sucks to be you guys!

*Phone rings*

Akkiko: Okay, not cool *picks up phone* Hello? Oh, hi! Um, yea . . . why? Day after tomorrow? Er, I guess. Okay, love you too. Bye. *Hangs up*

Kat: Let me guess.

Akkiko: My parents.

Lily: It was inevitable, you must admit.

Kat:  . . .

Lily: They were BOUND to find out eventually. After all, this is my family's old PMQ.

Akkiko: I thought you said the PMQ's are crap.

Lily: They are. Duo and I fixed it up. With a little help from Quatre.

Kat: O-kay then. So. YOUR parents want to meet Duo – 

Lily: And Yours want to meet Heero – 

Akkiko: And mine will not leave me in peace until they meet Trowa.

Lily: We'll tell the boys tonight. As a group.

Akkiko: Sure.

Kat: Just a note, girls. NO HOLDS BARRED. We have to do everything possible to make this work.

Lily: No problem. *Her pager beeps* Oops, that'll be Duo. Gotta run!

:::End Flashback:::

Boys: WHAT?!

Kat: MUST we spell it out for you. MY parents want to meet Heero . . .

Lily: Duo, you will be meeting my parents . . .

Akkiko: Barton, my family will kill if they don't meet you.

Duo: But, but, WHY?

Heero: They've been perfectly happy until now!

Lily: It's a parent thing. I'm the eldest, so therefore they want to see there first 'wittle baby-kins' boyfriend.

Kat: Akkiko and I are the youngest, the baby's of the family. They want to make sure no one's gonna hurt their 'ickle baby-kins'.

Trowa: Akkiko, please?

Akkiko: Trowa. We can do this the easy way, or I can go Demon on your ass.

Duo: There's no duct tape in this house, Trowa, you're safe.

Trowa: Akkiko, love you, but really, your parents?

Akkiko: Demon mode . . . processing . . .

Trowa: GLEEP! Okay, okay. I'll go.

Akkiko: Thank you baby *kisses him and leaves*

Heero: It depends, Kat. Is it just your parents?

Kat: Nope! My older sister shall be there!

Heero: In that case . . . HELL NO! Think about this. Families, particularly fathers and protective older sisters, rarely like the men who are dating the youngest daughter.

Kat: Muffin. You're going.

Heero: Or what?

Kat: Or I send you to the Peacecraft Manor for a week.

Heero: With . . . HER?!

Kat: Yes.

Heero: Fine *pouts*.

Kat: Thank you baby! *Kisses him and leaves*

Duo: Lily, I ain't going nowhere!

Lily: I know you're not.

Duo: You do?

Lily: Of course! They're coming here! *Kisses him and leaves*

Duo: Shit.

:::The Night of Duo and Lily's Dinner:::

Heero: KAT! Come ON! We're going to be late!

Kat: I'm coming! *Bounds down the stairs*

Heero: I thought you went up to change?!

Kat: I did.

Heero: But you're wearing the same thing!

Kat: Different shoes.

Heero= -_-*

Heero: Whatever. Can we go so Duo and Lily can have their dinner?

Kat: Yes.

*They leave*

Duo: LILY!!!

Lily: Yes?

Duo: WHAT IS THIS?! *He brandishes a black Armani suit with a red tie*

Lily: It's called a suit. You don't have to wear the jacket or the tie, they just came with it.

Duo: You want ME to wear a suit.

Lily: If I have to dress you myself . . .

Duo: Fine *grumbles and goes upstairs*

Lily: 6:30. Half an hour and counting.

Akkiko: Trowa, we have to go!

Trowa: Really?

Akkiko: If you're good, we'll harass some innocent bystanders.

Trowa: What is this word, good?

Akkiko: MY line.

Lily: *Sticks her head out of kitchen* Actually, yours was "What is this word, vacation?"

Akkiko: Whatever. Trowa, we leave NOW.

Trowa: Fine.

*They leave* 

Duo: *Coming down* How's this?

Lily: Very nice. My compliments on the alterations.

*The shirt is open-collar, white, and the pants aren't the Armani suit ones, but they're black and they work*

Duo: The other set just wasn't doing anything for me.

Lily: Whatever. Just don't get it dirty.

Duo: And risk your wrath? Never.

Lily: Oh, stop that *she throws a dish cloth at him*

Duo: *Catches the cloth, tosses it down to the basement* Stop what?

Lily: You know what!

Duo: *Enjoying the fact that Lily is getting peeved* Yes, oh great and mighty mistress.

Lily: That's better.

Duo: *Sticks out his tongue at her* When are they coming?

Lily: 7:00. Very mature, by the way. Don't do that in front of my father.

Duo: SHIT. Your father is coming?!

Lily: He's part of my family, you baka.

Duo: Leave me be, I forgot.

Lily: Yea, whatever. Where are Quatre and Wufei tonight?

Duo: They said they had plans to go create trouble.

Lily: Good enough. Now help me set the table, they'll be here any minute.

Disclaimer: Not mine.


	2. Duo and Lily

:::Outside:::

Mom: Honey, smile, we're here for Lily.

Dad: Hmph.

Mom: Now stop that. Lily is our oldest daughter, and he makes her happy. You want her to be happy, don't you?

Dad: Yes.

Mom: Then BE NICE.

Dad: I'll try.

Mom: No. You WILL be nice. Now, I'll talk to Lily, and you – 

Dad: - Will interrogate the boy.

Mom: NO!

Dad: *Rings doorbell* Yes.

:::Inside:::

Lily: That's them. Duo, don't forget  . . .

Duo: Be nice.

Lily: Very good. *Opens door* Mum! Dad!

Mom: Lily! How are you?

Lily: Wonderful. You guys, this is Duo.

Duo: Hello Mr. and Mrs. Ibara.

Mom: Hello Duo, it's nice to meet you.

Dad: Hello, boy – ow! – I mean, it's nice to meet you Duo.

(A/N: The "ow!" was my mother elbowing him)

Lily: Come in! Dinner's on the table.

*They sit down, and begin eating*

Duo: Mmm . . . Lily, babe, you've outdone yourself this time.

Mom: It's very good Lily!

Lily: I've had practice.

Duo: Remember when Quatre tried to make toast?

Lily: *Bursts out laughing* Akkiko couldn't salvage that poor toaster, we had to buy a new one.

Mom: What?

Lily: We all live here, Mum. Akkiko, Kat, and I, as well as Duo, and Heero, and Trowa, and  - 

Wufei and Quatre: Us!

Lily: ACK! What are you two doing here?!

Wufei: Relax, we're just passing through.

Quatre: Gonna go spar against some of Oz's soldiers.

Duo: Okay. Don't blow anything up.

Wufei: We know, Duo. That's your job.

*Wufei and Quatre leave*

Dad: What did he mean by "That's your job"?

Duo: I do demolition work.

Mom: Really?

Duo: Yea! I design some of my own too.

Dad: You design your own bombs

Duo: *Not seeing Lily gesturing frantically* Of course! My latest project is in the work room right now.

Lily: Duo, can you come help me get dessert? NOW.

Duo: Oka-ack!

*Lily drags him into the kitchen*

Lily: Okay, my fault. I didn't explain the rules of living to see tomorrow to you. My Dad is a Sergeant in the PPCLI, you knew that, right? 20 years experience in the army.

Duo= O_O

Lily: He has this THING against certain boys. Namely, the ones I date. It would be best not to mention anything involving bombs, guns, espionage, death – yes, that includes DeathScythe –, kissing, hugging, any body contact with me whatsoever. 

Duo: Aaww . . . so basically you want me to sit down, shut up and eat.

Lily: *Kisses him on the cheek* Now you've got it. So just relax.

Duo: My life, and our relationship, is on the line and she wants me to relax?

*They bring dessert out*

Mom: Looks great Lily!

Dad: Yes, wonderful.

Mom: Oh, what's that?

*All look. Duo and Lily blanch*

Lily: I THOUGHT I TOLD HIM TO CLEAR THOSE AWAY!

*Heero's best gun sits on top of the fridge, with two clips beside it*

Dad: Is that an R-77 4"?

Duo: I don't know.

Lily: No, Dad, It's a PT-80 Laser.

Dad: And WHO does it belong to?

Lily: Heero.

Dad: I like the sound of HIM. Why don't you date him?

Lily: DAD! He's Kat's boyfriend and besides, I like my Duo.

:::Later:::

Mom: That was delicious, Lily. Why don't you show me the place.

Lily: Should Dad – 

Mom: - He can see it later.

Lily: Um . . . okay? *They leave*

Dad: Well, Duo. Looks like they've left us to our own devices.

Duo: No problem!

*Dad suddenly flips off the lights and turns on an overhead lamp that 'mysteriously' appeared. All the furniture is gone, save for Duo's chair. Basically, a cheesy police interrogation scene*

Dad: Okay. Here's the drill. You will answer all my questions. When I am done, I decide whether or not you can see my daughter again.

Duo: Eep!

Dad: Full name?

Duo: Duo Maxwell.

Dad: Occupation?

Duo: Demolitions and Stealth Ops expert.

Dad: Hobbies?

Duo: Driving Heero nuts, planning stealth missions to OZ.

Dad: Interest in my daughter. THINK about this one, boy.

Duo: Your daughter is a wonderful young lady, and my interest in her is completely platonic.

Dad: *Nods* Good answer, Now, you just need to fill out this questionnaire, and then we're done.

Duo: *Looking over sheet* Okay, piercings, none. Tattoos, none. Favorite thing about your daughter, not starting with 'A', 'B' or 'T' . . . hmm, what would start with that? Whatever.  I love Lily's personality. And her cooking. I swear Lily's the best.

Dad: Very well. Please look at the last question.

Duo: Do you agree that any bodily harm you come to is completely necessary and that the father of the girl you are dating is in no way liable?

Dad: Not that one, the one above it!

Duo: Oh. What are your opinions on pre-marital . . . WHOA! Are you some kind of nutcase? Did you think I was dating Lily for . . . no. Listen Mr. Ibara . . .Sir, I may be a little slow, and big words often confuse me, but I love Lily, and I'm sure as hell not about to be doing . . . that.

Dad: Well then. I think that you may just be good enough, boy.

Duo: Then can I call you Dad?

Dad: No.

Lily: WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY BOYFRIEND?!

Dad: Just asking him a few questions.

Lily: Like what?

Duo: Like my name, where I work, that sort of thing.

Lily: Dad . . . did you make him sign the waiver?

Duo: What waiver?

Lily: *Sighs in relief* Never mind, baby.

Duo: Okay!

:::Later:::

Mom: Well, it was wonderful seeing you again Lily, and it was nice meeting you, Duo.

Dad: Be good you two. *Whispers to Duo* Especially you. I have a little rule I live by. You make my little girl cry, I make you cry.

Duo: Yessir. It was nice to meet you Mr. and Mrs. Ibara.

Lily: Loved seeing you! Bye!

*Mom and Dad drive off*

Duo: Well, that was interesting.

*They walk inside*

Lily: So what other things did my dad ask you?

Duo: Well, there was this one about pre-marital  . . .

:::Location: A small village in eastern Australia:::

!~=*=~!BOOM!~=*=~!

Woman: Did you hear that, mate?

Woman2: Probably just a Sonic Boom.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, save the PMQ, Mom and Dad Ibara, Lily, and the plot.


	3. Trowa and Akkiko Mayhem shall ensue

Chapter 2  
  
Akkiko raced through the house frantically.  
  
"Akkiko, calm down!" Trowa yelled chasing after her. Akkiko swore vividly, then stopped.  
  
"Make note, do not say that in front of parents!" She began to run around piling clothes into her closet, and accidentally pushed Trowa into the closet and slammed the door on him.  
  
"Uh, Akkiko?" Akkiko yelped and opened the door.  
  
"Sorry, I'm kind of on nerves." Trowa stared.  
  
"Why? I didn't think you were afraid of anything. Especially your parents." Akkiko stopped and gaped at him.  
  
"Look, you know how I am in demon mode right?" She asked smiling.  
  
"Yeah." He said nodding.  
  
"THESE ARE THE PEOPLE WHO RAISED ME!!" She yelled and began to dump clothes down the chute. Duo came walking by.  
  
"You panicking?" He asked while slurping a purple popsicle. Trowa sighed.  
  
"Yeah." Akkiko ran past and said in a high shrieky voice.  
  
"I am not PANICKING!!" Duo sniggered.  
  
"Well Trowa. How you holding up?" Trowa shrugged.  
  
"The faceless man eh? Well let me tell you about my ordeal." Duo said seeing an option for high chaos. "Well, everything started out very nicely, just a dinner. Then they began to ask the questions. It all goes downhill from there. BWA HAHAHAHA!!" Duo continued to tell his scary tale, exaggerating some parts to scare him. Akkiko was too busy cleaning up the house to notice.  
  
"And it all ended with me under a lamp being asked questions about premarital-"  
  
"WHAT?!?!?!" Trowa yelled. Akkiko stopped and looked at him.  
  
"Duo, stop poisoning my boyfriend's mind . . . . . . . . . . . . or else." Wiggles little finger at him grinning evilly and walks off. Duo gulps and runs off. Akkiko comes out.  
  
"Okay, you'll be wearing this tonight." She holds up a suit. Trowa sweatdrops.  
  
"Overdoing it a bit aren't you?" She growls.  
  
"If you want to see a tomorrow then no." She says and throws it at him. "Don't worry, I have to wear a dress."  
  
"Can you wear a mini-skirt?" He asks hopefully.  
  
"HELL NO! I'll wear something that has a side slit though." She said winking at him. Trowa smiles.  
  
"That makes this worth it."  
  
~~~  
  
Later tonight Akkiko and Trowa were walking out of the house.  
  
"So how will this work?" He asked.  
  
"Simple, we go out for dinner with them, and then they come back to our EMPTY house, and talk for a bit. Then they leave happy. OR ELSE!" Grabs the front of Trowa's black suit. He is wearing a white shirt with a loose black shirt and black pants. Unbeknownst to Akkiko, he had a gunholster on his shoulder, with, of course, in it a gun. Akkiko would have made him wear a tie, however his clothes were made of fine silk and expert stitching. Akkiko is wearing a midnight blue dress with a black sparkle cover on top. As promised it has a slit on the side, a little past the knee. Her hair is tied back into a ponytail, she is wearing only lipstick and has a jade necklace around her neck. She smiles and shows him something.  
  
"WOW!! A BMW beemer!!" Akkiko grins.  
  
"Yep, my dad's favorite kind of car. Let's go!"  
  
~~~  
  
"Hi dad. Mom!" Akkiko walks over.  
  
"Kay! How are you?" Akkiko pauses for second, then remembers that her real name is Kay Yuwen.  
  
"Great. How have you been?" Dad nods.  
  
"Good. Is this you boyfriend?" Akkiko nods. Trowa gives a formal bow.  
  
"Good evening Mr. And Mrs. Yuwen." Akkiko's dad nods.  
  
"Very good. Shall we sit down and eat?" They eat silently for a few minutes.  
  
"What's your name?" Trowa sweats a bit. Here's where it goes downhill.  
  
"Trowa Barton."  
  
"So, how old are you?" Akkiko's mom asks. Trowa looks up.  
  
"Oh, 16." Akkiko's mom nods.  
  
"And what do you do for work?"  
  
"I'm a terror- YEOW!" Akkiko grinds her high heel into his foot, a little vein in her head. He revises his answer while eyeing Akkiko.  
  
"I mean I work in entertainment." Akkiko nods and continues to eat her soup. Suddenly two people sit down next to them.  
  
"So, you must be Kay's boyfriend. Name." Stephen (Akkiko's brother) says calmly. He began with a smile, then his face turned stern. Trowa sweatdrops.  
  
"Uh, Trowa Barton?" Patricia (Her sister) nods.  
  
"Occupation."  
  
"Entertainment."  
  
"Good. Hobbies?" Akkiko sighs.  
  
"Can we do the third degree after dinner?"  
  
"Third degree?" Her mom asks surprised. "This isn't third degree. Just a friendly chat." Akkiko rolls her eyes.  
  
"Right . . . . ."  
  
~~~  
  
Back at the supposedly empty house. Akkiko and friends are sitting in the living room. Akkiko walks out the door towards the kitchen to bring some lemonade back, she would've brought ice tea, but that was a little much for tonight. As soon as she was gone, Akkiko's dad shut the blinds, her brother closed the door and her sister turned off the lights. Suddenly there were small sounds of scuffling. Someone turned on a lamp.  
  
"Uh . . . . . ." Trowa mutters, his arms are tied by rope behind the chair and the family is looking evil. "Now I see why Akkiko is insane . . . . ." Stephen leans down and glares.  
  
"What sports do you play?"  
  
"Uh . . . . . all?" Stephen nods and backs away.  
  
"And what about transportation?" Patricia asks. Trowa gulps.  
  
"Sport cars, bikes, anything."  
  
"And what do you do for hobbies?" Mrs. Yuwen asks. Trowa gulps.  
  
'Talk not, talk not, talk not, talk not!' He thought panicky.  
  
"Well?"  
  
"Uh . . . ."  
  
"He hesitates. No good." Trowa gulped, it was sink or swim.  
  
"I blow up OZ bases for fun, I also fix weapons, shop for explosives and army trucks-" Akkiko's dad leans down.  
  
"Hummers?"  
  
"LOVE EM!" Akkiko's dad grins.  
  
"I think I like you."  
  
~~~  
  
Akkiko comes back on a disturbing sight.  
  
"Uh . . . . ."  
  
"WOW!! 450 horse power? And a silver millennium paint job!" Trowa said while ooing and awing over her dad's car. Akkiko's mom drags him away.  
  
"Okay, I have a quiz for you. If you pass, then you'll be free to see my daughter. One. Do you smoke?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Are you an alcoholic?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Do you engage in dangerous activities?"  
  
"Yes. Blowing up things, using weapons of high destruction and dating Akkiko."  
  
"Okay. Three, are you a player?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Do you gamble?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Do have crazy friends, if so, what kind?"  
  
"Yes, a perfect soldier, a god of death, a gay friend, and a sexist." Akkiko's mom nods.  
  
"Anything else?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Family?"  
  
"Sister."  
  
"Name?"  
  
"Catherine."  
  
"Are you interested in my daughter for body purposes?"  
  
"HELL NO!" Akkiko's mom nods with satisfaction.  
  
"Last question. How do you feel about marriage and having a child-"  
  
"WHAT?! I like your daughter Mrs. Yuwen, but I'm not THAT far into this relationship! I like Akkiko, and she likes me! That's all!" She nods and walks away.  
  
~~~  
  
"Okay, let's have a tour of the house." Stephen says. Akkiko gulps.  
  
"This is my room." Points to room that has large closet, TV with playstation and the game Kingdom Hearts on top. Neat bed and clean room. They nod and move on.  
  
"This is Kat's." Points to room painted yellow and is neat and tidy.  
  
"Meg's." Points to horrible pink room. It is likewise, nice and neat. Moving on, Akkiko sweatdropped, dreading what was to come.  
  
"This is Duo's, lets move on!" She says cheerfully. They can hear a faint trace of music coming from behind door. Stephen opens the door, Trowa and Akkiko jump back and clap their hands over their ears.  
  
"IT'S ARLIGHT TO TELL ME A FEW THINGS ABOUT ME!!!" Everyone is blasted against wall as Duo uses his tennis racket as a guitar and sings along to a song called 'Dammit', the level is at least a 1800 watts high. Akkiko with some difficulty pulls door shut and grins a little shakily.  
  
"Duo is always listening to loud music, so we sound proof his room. Shall we move on?" They walk onto Wufei's room. They open it calmly. Wufei is sitting there reading a book on pure math. His walls are littered with pictures of Chinese culture and dragons, as well as charts and tables. His room is very neat. He stands up.  
  
"You're parents I presume?" Akkiko nods.  
  
"You're Chinese?" Her mom asks.  
  
"Yes." Akkiko's mom smiles.  
  
"This is a nice boy Akkiko, he's Chinese, studies. Why don't you marry him?" Trowa and Akkiko blush.  
  
"MOM!" They move on. Coming to Quatra's door Akkiko gulps and pushes the door open. He isn't there, but his room is nice and neat.  
  
"I'm sure we'll run into Quatra later." They move onto Heero's room. Opening door a bit Akkiko peeks inside. She blanches and yanks door shut.  
  
"Uh, shall we move on?" Akkiko's dad pushes door open, Akkiko and Trowa gulp and Akkiko covers her eyes. Heero is sitting on the bed, his laptop is open and blasting off hard metal music. Heero himself is polishing a gun. Thousands of explosive weapons line his walls.  
  
"Are you a murderer?" Akkiko's dad asks.  
  
"Omae O Korosu." Akkiko gulps. Her dad doesn't speak Japanese so he furrows his brow in confusion.  
  
"Uh, that means no in Japanese. MOVING ON NOW!" She pushes them off.  
  
"I thought the house was supposed to be empty!" Trowa hisses at her. Akkiko sighs.  
  
"Key word Trowa, supposed!" They move onto kitchen. Suddenly a large  
  
KABOOM!!!  
  
issues. Akkiko waves smoke from her eyes.  
  
"Quatra, hell and damnation what are you doing?" Quatra coughs.  
  
"I was just trying to make some cereal!" Akkiko sweatdrops.  
  
"Quatra, you don't cook cereal in the OVEN! As a matter of fact, YOU DON'T COOK CEREAL AT ALL!" Suddenly someone runs past them. Duo seems to have vacated his room, as well as Heero. Heero is now chasing Duo, with his gun out, making more holes in the wall then Swiss cheese. Akkiko sweatdrops even more.  
  
"YOU BRAIDED BAKA!! NEVER TOUCH THE LAPTOP!!" Duo runs out of room screaming  
  
"SOMEONE CALL THE FBI!!!" Suddenly Wufei walked past while slinging his sword over his shoulder. Akkiko gulps and walks off, only to find Meg and Kat walking out of the secret door hidden in the wall, behind, her family can see multiplies of weapons, such as guns, spears, swords, knives, daggers, bazookas and such. Trowa sighs and smacks his forehead and says  
  
"I'll talk to you from Switzerland."  
  
"Make that Japan . . . ."  
  
~~~  
  
Akkiko and her family is standing on the porch. Trowa is watching them.  
  
"We have reached a decision. Trowa is a nice boy. And his friends are interesting. You can stay together." Akkiko grins.  
  
"Call me about those guns okay?" Stephen calls back to Trowa who grins and waves, just as they're about to leave when Duo runs down the street. Wufei in pursuit.  
  
"You broke my sword! You B******!!!!"  
  
"HALLLLLPPPPP!!" Suddenly explosion rocks the house.  
  
"Nice going Meg." Kat says walking out of the house covered in soot.  
  
"How was 'I' supposed to know that the bazooka was facing the wrong way?!"  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine. 


	4. Kat and Heero

Kat: Okay, you guys, I really want to make this clear.  
  
(Lily and Akkiko look at each other.)  
  
Lily: Kat, what are you talking about?  
  
Kat: I need you two to keep the guys out of the house tonight.  
  
Akkiko: Why?  
  
Kat: Because, as you know, it's my night to have my parents meet my boyfriend, and after we have dinner together, my mom wants to come and inspect my house.  
  
Lily: Okay, so why don't you want the guys in the house?  
  
(Kat looks extremely guilty. Akkiko raises an eyebrow)  
  
Akkiko: Kat, what did you tell your parents about our house?  
  
Kat: Well, that I was living with you two . . .  
  
Lily: And?  
  
Kat: Well, I left out the part that we were living with five teenage boys.  
  
Lily and Akkiko: WHAT??  
  
Kat: I know! I'm sorry, but if my mom found out, she would kill me!  
  
Lily: (smacks her forehead) Oy, Jesus. You are so screwed.  
  
Kat: Yes, I will be, if you guys don't keep the guys entertained for tonight.  
  
Akkiko: I'm covered. Trowa and I are going to a Monster Truck rally.  
  
Kat and Lily= O_O*  
  
Lily: You're into Monster-Trucking?  
  
Akkiko: Not really, but its fun to scar all the big biker bastards that are there.  
  
Kat: Um, right.  
  
Lily: Don't worry about it, Kat. Duo and I were planning to go to the beach for a walk. We won't be here.  
  
Kat: (smiles) Thanks, you guys. (She frowns suddenly) What about Quatre and Wufei?  
  
(Akkiko and Lily look at each other)  
  
Akkiko: I can threaten them if you want.  
  
Kat: Argh! This whole thing is way too stressful! I'm going to have a shower.  
  
(She climbs the stairs to the bathroom and closes the door)  
  
Akkiko: (turns to Lily) Hey, Lily, I bet I can beat you at Kingdom Hearts!  
  
Lily: You're on!  
  
~~~  
  
Quatre: So, Heero, looking forward to your date with Kat tonight?  
  
Heero: (shrugs)  
  
Wufei: Aren't you worried about meeting her parents?  
  
Heero: (shrugs again) I figure they can't be too bad if they raised such a great girl like Kat.  
  
Trowa: Yeah, but what about her sister? Akkiko's sister was slightly mental . . . she scared me.  
  
Heero: Whatever. (Continues typing on laptop)  
  
Duo: Are you going to take that thing with you tonight?  
  
Heero: No, Kat wouldn't like it.  
  
Wufei: (rolls his eyes) You're turning quite pathetic, Heero. There was once a time that women couldn't pay you to look at them. Now you're drooling over Kat.  
  
Heero: Wufei, just because you're sexist doesn't mean you need to ruin it for the rest of us.  
  
Wufei: Whatever. I need to go to the john. (Walks towards bathroom)  
  
Duo: Hey, you guys want to play some video games?  
  
Quatre, Heero and Trowa: Sure. (Three of them go downstairs)  
  
(A few minutes later, a scream is heard)  
  
Heero: (jumps up) That sounded like Kat!  
  
Quatre: (looks around) Hey, where's Wufei?  
  
(Lily and Akkiko look at each other)  
  
~flashback~  
  
Kat: I'm going to take a shower.  
  
~end~  
  
(The GW boys look at each other)  
  
~flashback~  
  
Wufei: I need to go to the john.  
  
~end~  
  
All: SHIT!  
  
(Everyone runs upstairs and down the hallway. As they near the bathroom, they see Wufei fly out of the door. He hits the hallway wall, and a spear lodges itself beside his head.)  
  
Kat: (from inside bathroom) I'm gonna kill you, Chang! (Bathroom door slams)  
  
Heero: Wufei, did you see Kat . . .  
  
Wufei: (blushes furiously) Uh, no . . .  
  
(Little arrow appears above his head. Above the arrow it says, 'Whatta liar')  
  
Heero: I'll give you a second's head-start. (Removes gun from holster)  
  
(Kat comes out of bathroom in a robe. She yanks the spear out of the wall and grabs front of Wufei's shirt, bringing him close to her face)  
  
Kat: Next time, I won't miss, and I'll be aiming . . . lower.  
  
Quatre: Wait a minute-Kat showers with a spear?  
  
Kat: (shrugs) So? Heero sleeps with a gun under his pillow. What can I say? I like the old-fashioned weapons.  
  
Heero: That's my girl. (Hugs her)  
  
Kat: Oh, by the way, here's your outfit for tonight. (Hands Heero a suit)  
  
Heero: I don't know Kat . . . I don't look too good in a suit.  
  
Kat: (hugs him) don't worry, honey, you'll look fine!  
  
~~~  
  
(Several hours later)  
  
Heero: Kat, I'm all ready!  
  
Kat: Coming!  
  
(They meet each other at the front door. Heero is in black slacks with a black jacket. Underneath the jacket is a navy-blue shirt, and on his feet are polished shoes. Kat is in a pale purple dress that goes to her ankles, with slits running up each side to her knees. The neckline in done in a mandarin-style, and her hair is done up with chopsticks, with black kung fu shoes on her feet.)  
  
Heero: Wow, Kat, you look great.  
  
Kat: (smoothes his collar) You look awesome too. What did I tell you?  
  
Heero: Oh, and by the way, (holds out box to her) happy anniversary.  
  
Kat: Oh, Heero! (Opens box and takes out earrings) They're lovely. Thank you so much. (Puts on earrings)  
  
Heero: All ready?  
  
Kat: (nods) Let's go!  
  
~~~  
  
(At the restaurant)  
  
Kat: Are you as nervous as I am?  
  
Heero: Probably not. Parents just don't spook me, unlike some people I could mention.  
  
Kat: Just be nice, and don't threaten my sister.  
  
Heero: Why would I want to threaten her?  
  
Kat: (rolls her eyes) I've been having premonitions of one of you blowing the other up.  
  
Heero: (laughs) You're just being paranoid.  
  
Kat: Oh, and don't mind it if my mom starts giving you the third degree.  
  
Heero: Your mother? I was more worried about your father.  
  
Kat: Are you kidding? My father doesn't really care who I date, as long as it's not a total pervert who just wants to get into my pants.  
  
Heero: Ah . . .  
  
Mom: Katherine!  
  
(Kat winces; she forgets sometimes that her name is really Katherine)  
  
(A/N: Kat: My name isn't really Katherine, it's just the name of my alter ego. Lily and Akkiko: Oh . . .)  
  
Kat: Hey, Mom, Dad. Where's Kim? (Hugs her parents)  
  
Dad: She's just parking the car.  
  
Kim: Hey, Kat! (Hugs her little sister)  
  
Kat: Hey, Sis. Mom, Dad, Kim, this is my boyfriend, Heero Yuy. Heero, these are my parents, and my sister Kimberly.  
  
Heero: (bows slightly and then shakes hands) Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Muller. Hello, Kimberly.  
  
Kim: You can call me Kim.  
  
(Everyone sits down at table and orders their food)  
  
Mom: So, Heero, are you still in school?  
  
Heero: No. I've never really gone to school. I've been tutored wherever I could find someone to teach me.  
  
Dad: What do you do for a living?  
  
Heero: I'm the perfect soldier.  
  
(Kat's family all stare at him, sweatdropping. Kat kicks Heero under the table.)  
  
Heero: OWWW!!  
  
Kat: (little vein twitching in her temple) Heero-baby, what did we talk about?  
  
Heero: Oh . . . that. Um, I'm in nuclear weapons.  
  
(Kat kicks him again)  
  
Heero: Oops . . . Um, bombs? (Kat sighs, nods) Yeah, I'm in bombs-creating them, destroying them, that sort of thing.  
  
Kim: Does Kat ever go to work with you?  
  
Heero: Are you crazy? I don't want her to get hurt.  
  
Mom: Aw . . . that's so sweet (suddenly glares at him) Don't think you're off the hook, honey.  
  
Heero: Eeep.  
  
(Suddenly Wufei and Quatre run into the restaurant, each holding guns. They dive behind the table Kat and Heero are sitting at. Zechs runs in after them)  
  
Kat: Oh no. . . . Oh no oh no oh no!  
  
Heero: What the *BEEP* are you guys doing here?  
  
Wufei and Quatre: Um . . .  
  
Kat: Okay, that's it! You two are so not ruining this dinner! (Grabs the two of them by the ear and drags them off) Heero, take care of that insane maniac of a mercenary!  
  
Heero: 'Kay. Please excuse me. (He bows slightly to Kat's family, then walks off in Zech's direction, pulling a gun out of his jacket's inside pocket as he went)  
  
Dad: Well, at least the guy knows how to protect himself (Mom glares at him)  
  
Kat: What the HELL are you doing??  
  
Quatre: Well . . . Akkiko threatened us to get out of the house-or else! And Wu-man felt like Italian.  
  
Wufei: STOP CALLING ME WU-MAN!!  
  
Kat: Okay, so Akkiko threatened you and Wuffles felt like Italian-I can buy that. How does Zechs come into the picture?  
  
Wufei: Oh, we ran into him on the way over here, and he just started chasing us for no apparent reason.  
  
Kat: (Raises an eyebrow) Really?  
  
Quatre and Wufei (look at each other guiltily): Yep.  
  
Kat: Okay, I'm only going to say this once: Stay AWAY from my family dinner, or I'll rip out your jugulars.  
  
(She stalks off. Quatre and Wufei stare after her)  
  
Quatre: She's scary sometimes . . . cute, but scary.  
  
Wufei: And she isn't too bad without a towel either.  
  
Heero: (walking back to table) I HEARD that! Plus I've got a gun again!  
  
Kat: Heero! Get you ass back here! Kill them later!  
  
(Heero sits back down, Wufei and Quatre sneak out of restaurant and start running)  
  
Kat: Where's Zechs?  
  
Heero: Oh, he's . . . around.  
  
*A/N: Yes, I do realize I use that line a lot-BITE ME!!*  
  
~~~  
  
(After dinner)  
  
Mom: By the way, dear, who were those two boys who dived behind our table?  
  
Kat: Oh, friends of Heero.  
  
Heero: Yeah, they live with us.  
  
Kim: Live? You two are LIVING together?  
  
Dad: With other BOYS?  
  
Mom: Katherine Maureen Muller. . .  
  
Kat: Eep.  
  
Mom: Young lady . . .  
  
Kat: Um, anyways. . . Mom, Dad, Kim, why don't you and Heero sit down in the living room while I get drinks? (scuttles off)  
  
(Suddenly the lights in the room go out. A moment later Mom switches on a little lamp overtop Heero's head. He is tied to a chair, the only piece of furniture left. Dad, Kim and Mom glare down at him)  
  
Dad: Okay, Mr. Yuy, first question: are you with my daughter for any reasons that are sexual?  
  
Heero: (blanches and then blushes) NO!  
  
Dad: Okay then-I'm satisfied. (Goes off somewhere)  
  
Kim: On pain of death, would you ever hurt my sister or lead her into anything dangerous?  
  
Heero: Listen, Kat kinda has a mind of her own-if she wants to do something she'll do it.  
  
Mom: But you wouldn't intentionally lead her into a dangerous environment, right?  
  
Heero: Um . . . . . . . . . . . No.  
  
Kim: Good answer, because if ANYONE hurts my little sister-I'll kill you!  
  
~~~  
  
(Five minutes later)  
  
Kat: Okay, I have the drinks. I-MOM! KIM! DADDY!! What the HELL are you doing to my boyfriend?  
  
Mom: Interrogating to see if he's good enough to go out with you again.  
  
Kim: Hey, Kat, what does 'Omae o Korusu' mean?  
  
Kat: (blanches) I, um, I have no idea. . . (hisses at Heero) I told you not to threaten my sister!  
  
Heero: Sorry-it's a habit!  
  
Mom: (sighs) Well, I can't think of anything else to ask you, but I swear- (unties Heero from chair) I'll be keeping an eye on you, sonnyboy.  
  
Heero: (sighs with relief) Yes, ma'am.  
  
Mom: Well, honey, aren't you going to show us around the house? And-(face darkens) show us where these BOYS live?  
  
Kat: Eep. . . Sure, mom. . .  
  
Akkiko (suddenly crashes in to living room): Hey, Kat-did you know your Audi out there is on fire?  
  
Mom: Katherine doesn't drive an Audi-I DO!! (runs out yelling, followed by Dad and Kim)  
  
Akkiko: Psyche! (slams door and locks it) Thought you could use a hand, Kat!  
  
Kat: (melts a little in relief) Thank you!  
  
(Trowa, Duo, and Lily poke their heads from around corner)  
  
Heero: You guys were here all along?  
  
(Four nod)  
  
Lily: Kat was freaking out so badly when she heard her parents were coming that we just had to be on hand to help out if needed.  
  
Kat: You guys are the best!  
  
(Wufei and Quatre come in back door. A very charred Zechs is being supported between them)  
  
Duo: What the-  
  
Quatre: Look what we found behind the restaurant!  
  
Akkiko: What happened to Zechs?  
  
Trowa: Man, he looks like he's been to hell and back.  
  
Kat: Heero-what did you do?  
  
Heero: I just . . . had some fun.  
  
Heero= ^_^  
  
Others= o_O*  
  
Zechs= X_X  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing yadda yadda . . . you get it . . . blah blah blah . . . grrr . . . 


End file.
